funnycats

Human It’s Cold Outside

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I just want to stay; no wait I’ll go outside.

I want you to play; no way, I’ll run and hide.

Now please leave me be; been hoping that you’d pet me.

Now go away, I’ll scratch your hand if you stay.

 

If you touch me you will be sorry; hey don’t walk away, what’s your hurry?

Think I’ll just be pacing the floor; no, I’ll sleep here while the fireplace roars.

No really I think I’ll scurry; get me some food now hurry.

Maybe just a half a dish more, careful don’t you step on my paw.

 

Please let me outside; no wait I’ve changed my mind.

I’ll come back inside; no wait, I’ll go outside.

I wish I knew how – you’re getting quite testy now –

To open doors; I’ll sit in your hat, it’s mine not yours.

 

I ought to say go, go, go; mind if I move in closer?

At least share the chicken you fried; what’s the sense in hurting my pride?

I really can’t stay, human don’t hold out.

Ah, but it’s cold outside.

 

I’ve got to go roam, but human I’ll freeze out there.

I’ve got a fur coat; I’ll do as I please out there.

You’ve really been grand; I think I’ll bite your hand.

Why don’t you see, it’s always gonna be about me?

 

There’s bound to be talk tomorrow; think of your life-long sorrow,

If you don’t share the chicken you fried, and I starved to death and I died.

I really must stay; but I want to go out!

Ah but it’s cold outside

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The Twelve Days of Christmas – Cat Style

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On the first day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the second day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the third day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the fourth day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

four mauled birds

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the fifth day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

five chewed up things

four mauled birds

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the sixth day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

six toys for playing

five chewed up things

four mauled birds

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the seventh day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

seven strings for swatting

six toys for playing

five chewed up things

four mauled birds

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the eighth day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

eight hacked up fur balls

seven strings for swatting

six toys for playing

five chewed up things

four mauled birds

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the ninth day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

nine field mice wriggling

eight hacked up fur balls

seven strings for swatting

six toys for playing

five chewed up things

four mauled birds

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the tenth day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

ten bugs a’crawling

nine field mice wriggling

eight hacked up fur balls

seven strings for swatting

six toys for playing

five chewed up things

four mauled birds

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas

my kitty brought to me

eleven fleas a’hopping

ten bugs a’crawling

nine field mice wriggling

eight hacked up fur balls

seven strings for swatting

six toys for playing

five chewed up things

four mauled birds

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas

my kitty gave to me

twelve cicadas humming

eleven fleas a’hopping

ten bugs a’crawling

nine field mice wriggling

eight hacked up fur balls

seven strings for swatting

six toys for playing

five chewed up things

four mauled birds

three dead hens

two torn up doves

and a nest he knocked out of a tree

by Karen Mulvey

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Catvent: It’s Advent with Cats! Day 1

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I often act as if I have no need of you,

You enfold me in your arms, I struggle free.

Your overtures of love are met with coldness,

In spite of all of this you still love me.

 

When I’m scared you’re always there beside me

Watching over me throughout the longest night.

Your love is right there waiting when I need it

The darkness overwhelmed by your light.

 

I don’t know about you, but I’m one of those cat ladies – you know, the crazy kind – who likes to speak to my cat and then answer in his voice. So when I wrote this poem about Lestat’s relationship with me, I was kind of surprised when I realised just how much his relationship with me, parallels my relationship with God. It’s a sobering thought, particularly as we are entering the Christmas season and I contemplate the enormity of the gift that God gave us.

At this most special time of year, I am once again reminded of God’s incredible, unfathomable love. A love so all-encompassing that the king of heaven was prepared to put aside everything, in order to walk the same dusty, dirty road of life that we do. Imagine that for a moment. It’s pretty incredible isn’t it? As I sit and watch Lestat stare open mouthed at the sight of a bird on the wing, I am reminded of the words of the Psalmist:

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, Moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder, Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?*  and I realise that my jaw has also dropped in amazment.

photo(10)Psalm 8:3-4 (The Message)

I Think My Cat is Trying to Kill Me!

Last December I celebrated my 50th birthday. My husband wanted to get a gift that would have special significance for me. So instead of choosing diamonds or other such baubles, I chose a pair of roller skates. Now I know this is probably not the type of gift every women craves, but I had wanted skates since I was a little girl. So being the fantastic guy he is he bought me some, and I got to learning how to skate.

We are blessed with a home that has lovely wooden floors and rooms spacious enough for me to skate around in, so I assumed – incorrectly it now appears – that this would be the ideal place for me to practice.

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While being able to skate at home has it’s advantages,  it now also appears to have it’s disadvantages. On the one hand – or I should say foot – I can practice whenever I want,  on the other it means I have to manoeuvre around my cat. This was not a factor I had taken into account when I imagined myself gliding gracefully around.  You see my cat Lestat is extremely lazy, and I have often thought that a sloth would move more often than his is likely to. Well all I can say is, never underestimate the speed and stealth of a cat that is jealous and is plotting against you. He’s got that killer look in his eyes – kind of like De Niro in Taxi Driver – and I’m beginning to get a little worried.

I suspect Lestat has been watching too much TVLet me tell you, there is nothing guaranteed to cause your life to flash before your eyes quite like having a cat dart out in front you while you’re trying to keep your balance on skates.

When I confronted him about his behaviour he feigned innocence, and actually appeared offended! He’s aware that he’s got me wrapped around his paw so I am clearly at a disadvantage.

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Anyway he can pretend all he wants but it’s pretty clear to me that he’s got it in for me – at least when I’ve got my skates on. Anyway I’d better go now because he’s giving me the look, I suspect he knows I’m writing about him. I don’t want to provoke him further. Who knows what he is capable of!

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Photo of Robert De Niro from the film “Taxi Driver” Image may be subject to copyright

Get Your Brave On

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Don’t be afraid of what’s waiting for you outside your door this morning, God’s got you covered.

“Light, space, zest – that’s God! So, with him on my side I’m fearless, afraid of no one and nothing.” Psalm 27:1 (The Message)

 

Buttons the Crazy Black Cat

Well the week is half over and Friday is finally in sight. Can I get a hallelujah?

So to celebrate, and put a smile on the faces of those who may have been struggling a bit this week,  I thought I’d share a video that my very talented son made in his animation class yesterday –  he’s studying film and animation and just between you and me I think he’s amazing!

I had absolutely no idea what he was planning when he asked me to raid my sewing cupboard for scraps of fur, hot glue and some buttons. Who knew there was a cute little kitty cat just waiting to emerge?

 

“A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.” Proverbs 17:22

Interview with the Cat

Please allow me to introduce myself, I am a cat of stealth and grace. My name is Lestat Renfield de Kittycourt, and I am sure it will be your pleasure to meet me.

Me looking majestic

Me looking majestic

My rather long, and some may say ostentatious name, springs from my mamma’s love of gothic literature. My first and last names were inspired by a wonderfully fabulous character who is almost as charismatic as I am, and who like yours truly, has a proclivity for biting and brat-like behaviour. My middle name was chosen because just as my literary namesake did, I find creepy crawlies delectable, and I gobble them up whenever the opportunity arises. I enjoy sleeping, eating, sleeping, eating and of course…sleeping.

On the surface l lead a very satisfying and comfortable life, and no one would ever guess the dark and terrible secret that up until now I have held close to my furry little chest. Prepare yourself to be shocked and appalled gentle reader as I bare my soul to you – I am a string addict – or to be more accurate, I am addicted to all linear objects. I just can’t help myself. The moment I see one I must devour it immediately, regardless of the danger to my health or the damage to my family’s property.

Me following surgery to have almost an entire reel of  thread removed from my intestines

Me following surgery to have almost an entire reel of thread removed from my intestines

These objects have included electrical cords, speaker cables, phone chargers, entire reels of thread, ribbons and well, to my eternal shame the list goes on and on. The consequences of this dreadful habit have been life threatening on at least two occasions,  and inconvenient and expensive for my family more times than I care to remember.

Fortunately for me I have a mamma who loves me and would do anything for me, even when I make the same mistake over and over again. She says it’s something called grace. She describes grace as undeserved and unmerited favour. Sometimes I hear her thanking God that he has shown her grace. I don’t think she eats string – although I have seen her eating a linear thing called spaghetti that she seems to enjoy – so maybe that’s what she needs God’s grace for?

Anyway, I can’t really get my furry little brain around the idea of grace, and mamma says that even she has trouble fully grasping the concept. She says that God has shown her grace because he loves her so much, and that even when she makes the same mistake over and over again, he loves her still and is waiting for her to run back into his loving arms. It reminds me of the way mamma loves me, the way that no matter how many cables, cords, phone chargers, ribbons and threads I chew through, she forgives me and loves me, and is always waiting to sweep me up in her loving arms. If that’s grace then it’s amazing, and I’m one very fortunate little cat. Until next time gentle reader…